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Where Was This For Me?

from Alone Again by Matt Riggen

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I'm not doing too poorly under pandemic conditions. Food is fine, emotional needs are getting taken care of, I have my meds, and how I make my money has nothing to do with shows, crowds, or individual students. And I also have to wonder--why? What did I do to make sure that I could weather a pandemic?

The answer lies in the systematic dismissal of my medical conditions over the course of my entire life. Have you ever had a doctor give up on you to your face?

I stopped looking for outside help when I was 9 or 10 and only resumed when I was 23. These experiences have encouraged me to live like I am the only person who will give me what I need. In this moment, I am doing just as fine as I always have--while many others around me learn the same brutal lessons I was taught in grade school.

So while I watch folks have a big benevolent hand come down to them to bail them out, or watch people come together to support the most in-danger members of their community, I'm not mad about it. But I do have to wonder: Where Was This For Me?

credits

from Alone Again, released April 26, 2020
Matt Riggen: bass clarinet

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Matt Riggen Chicago, Illinois

Jazz Musician

Composer/Performer/Director

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