I'm not doing too poorly under pandemic conditions. Food is fine, emotional needs are getting taken care of, I have my meds, and how I make my money has nothing to do with shows, crowds, or individual students. And I also have to wonder--why? What did I do to make sure that I could weather a pandemic?
The answer lies in the systematic dismissal of my medical conditions over the course of my entire life. Have you ever had a doctor give up on you to your face?
I stopped looking for outside help when I was 9 or 10 and only resumed when I was 23. These experiences have encouraged me to live like I am the only person who will give me what I need. In this moment, I am doing just as fine as I always have--while many others around me learn the same brutal lessons I was taught in grade school.
So while I watch folks have a big benevolent hand come down to them to bail them out, or watch people come together to support the most in-danger members of their community, I'm not mad about it. But I do have to wonder: Where Was This For Me?
credits
from Alone Again,
released April 26, 2020
Matt Riggen: bass clarinet
I saw the band that's on Bending Bridges live at the Newport Jazz Festival around 2013 and it was the only group there that made me cry. Mary is a fantastic writer and a major influence. Matt Riggen
I'm lucky enough to know Matt and his humility doesn't belie what a deep composer he is, especially on 'Festival'. He also plays tuba and upright on this one, which sets the bar for the rest of us. Matt Riggen
I contributed ~50% of the compositions/arrangements to this record and played in the trumpet section. I believe art can expedite justice by lighting a fire under its audience, and I've seen it here. Matt Riggen